Home › Guides

How to track tantrums (and why it helps)

Updated 2026-10-01

A rough evening can turn into "every day" in memory, and two parents can honestly describe the same child in opposite terms. A dated record does not settle what the tantrums mean, but it gives you something better than impressions to look at together.

Why a diary is worth the effort

Parenting services recommend behaviour diaries because they can help you "spot patterns in your child's behaviour and get them the right support" [1]. Researchers face the same limitation parents do: the two studies of tantrum patterns we draw on most relied on parents' reports, and their authors list that as a limitation [2][3].

Our own view, from building this app: the most useful thing a diary does is replace the argument "it's constant" versus "it's not that bad" with a list both parents can read. Decide what to do after you agree on what is happening.

What to write down

The behaviour-diary structure used by Action for Children overlaps with the antecedent–behaviour–consequence structure used in behavioural assessment [1][4]. For each episode:

• When. The date and time; services note that patterns at certain times of the day or week may show up [1].
• How long. Use a timer if you can rather than estimating afterwards. For reference, in one study of 335 children aged 18 months to 5 years, 75 per cent of recorded tantrums lasted five minutes or less [5].
• What came before. Where you were, who was there, what was asked or refused [1]. Record whether your child seemed tired or hungry, since both the NHS and the AAP identify these as common contributors [6][7].
• What your child did. Crying, screaming, hitting, throwing, hurting themselves. Keep it descriptive, not judgemental.
• What happened after. How you and others responded [1], and whether the child got the thing the tantrum was about. Our view: this is the part most diaries skip.
• What helped, if anything. The same service suggests recording the good outcomes too [1].

A one-line note is enough. "19:40, 12 min, refused to stop drawing for bath, screamed and kicked door, I sat nearby and said nothing, calmed when I offered to carry her" tells a professional more than a page of adjectives.

How to read it afterwards

Look for recurring situations and responses rather than single episodes: times of day, places, transitions, and what tended to happen after. These may suggest questions to explore with your partner or a professional; the diary alone cannot establish why tantrums happen [1][4]. Record both how often tantrums happen and how long they last [1]; an abstract summary of one longitudinal study reported that frequency and duration were associated with different later problems, which is a reason to note both rather than a way to predict anything about one child [8].

Our view: pick one change at a time, keep the diary going, and compare before and after. Action for Children suggests sharing your diary with a health visitor or GP [1]; the AAP recommends discussing concerns with your paediatrician [7]. See When to seek help.

Traps that make a diary misleading

• Only logging the worst days. Log the two-minute ones too, or the record will look worse than reality.
• Deciding the cause before you have the data. Write what happened; interpret later.
• Two standards. If one parent counts whining as a tantrum and the other does not, agree a definition first.
• Using the diary on the child. Our view: keep it as a tool for adults to reflect on events, and avoid using timings to criticise or pressure your child.
• Mistaking a diary for a diagnosis. A diary shows patterns; it does not tell you what they mean. A professional does that, with you.

About the app

(About this app, not from the sources.) Tantrums is built around exactly this diary: a timer per child, a short note by text or voice, and a weekly view of count and total time. It is free and made for two parents who share one record, so you are reading the same list. Nothing here requires it; a notebook works. But if you are going to track for a few weeks, make it as easy as pressing one button.